Day #1: Love is Patient. (Don't say any negative things towards your husband. Focus on the positive thoughts)
I thought this one was going to be easy because it's the first one, and it's just patience right? Wrong! I found it was way more difficult then I thought. I found that I had been thinking more negative things about my spouse then I was positive. This bothered me, and that was when I knew I needed to change. I tried patience the second day and got better! I realized I would need to do what the book says to do and continue to use patience through out my life even if it's not the dare of the day. I foun this extremely effective as I continue onto my fourth day. It's already starting to work. The feelings I get when I serve my companion is AMAZING, and I wouldn't give it up for anything!
A passage from the book I really liked:
"Love works. It is life's most pwerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage is successful without it."
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #2: Love is Kindness. (Do one kind deed for your spouse)
A passage from the book I really liked:
"Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likeable. When you're kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them."
-Stephen Kendrick
"Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstances, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoides a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventing, the other proactive. These two sides of love are the cornerstones on which many of the other attributes we will discuss are built."
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #3: Love is not Selfish. ( Go out and buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today")
Today was difficult for some reason. I woke up from a dream that made me feel like I was late for work, putting me in a bad mood to start off with. Although, in a regular day of my life when I wake up to those feelings, I have a terrible day, when in fact today turned out pretty good! Becuase of my positive thinking, and serving my companion, I had no room to think about how bad my dream was, or how ungrateful I was for who knows what. I found the time to be positive and grateful.
My spouse and I went to Walmart earlier today and I found him admiring a wallet and a little money holder thing. I knew he wouldn't buy it, so I waited until he was busy and I ran to the store and bought it for him. I brought it home to him and gave it to him, and he was confused on why I had bought it for him, but was very thankful to me for getting it for him. *something my mom told me was that it was going to be frusturating sometimes, and that our spouse won't know why we're doing certain things, and that it will get hard, but to stick with it, because it's going to be so worth it in the end.*
Well I hope to continue to get him random things that show him that I'm constantly thinking of him every day.
A passage from the book that I really liked:
"When a husband puts his interests, desires, and priorities in front of his wife, that's a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that's a sign of selfishness. But love "does not seek it's own" (1 Corinthians 13:5) "
-Stephen Kendrick
"Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. you can't be acting out of real love and selfishness at teh same time. Choosing to love your mate will casue you to say "no" to what you want so you can say "Yes" to what they need. That's putting the happiness of your partner above your own. It doesn't mean you can never experience happiness, but you don't negate the happiness of your spouse so you can enjoy it yourself."
- Stephen Kendrick
Day #4: Love is Thoughtful. (randomly throughout the day, contact your spouse and ask them how they are doing, and if you could do something for them.)
Both Landon and I were busy all day, but I tried really hard to make sure I texted him every once in a while to see how work was, and if he needed anything, or if I could do something for him. For the most part, he was too busy for me to come in and help him out with something which is fine. I made him some dinner and let him play video games! Usually on a normal day my feelings would get the best of me, and I go overboard thinking, "Why this?" , "Why that?" and what not. Today I finally found a sense of peace the entire day! I never once felt hurt or even angry. I felt happy and like I wanted to do more for my spouse! I loved the feeling I got!
A passage from the book I really liked:
"Men, for example, tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean. Not much is needed to understand the message. His words are more literal and shouldn't be over-analyzed. But women think and speak between the lines. They tend to hint. A man often has to listen for what is implied if he wants to get the full meaning."
"If a couple doesn't understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements. He's frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn't just come out and say things. Shes frustrated wondering why he's so inconsiderate and doesn't add two and two together and just figure it out."
-Stephen Kendrick
"This also explains why women will get upset with their husbands without telling them why. In her mind she's thinking, "I shouldn't have to spell it out for him. He should be able to look at the situation and see what's going on here." At the same time, he's grieved because he can't read her mind and wonders why he's being punished for a crime he didn't know he committed."
-Stephen Kendrick
(Who here knows exactly what this is talking about? I know I do!)
Day #5: Love is not Rude. ( Ask your spouse for three things that bug them or irritate them about you. Don't try and justify your behavior. Just listen)
It's halfway through the day and I am very pleased with the outcome of this dare. I watch what I say versus me splurting things out and regretting them later. I haven't had the opportunity to ask Landon about what bugs him about me yet, I'm waiting for the opportune moment!
So I guess the oportune moment is when Landon and I go to bed.
Well that time arrived and passed quickly to my surprise. Although, I have to admit, it was extremely tough to get through the conversation about what bugs him about me without justifying myself. I was steadfast until the end, and I avoided a fight. I think I stayed up for another thirty minutes staring at the ceiling, thinking how we didn't end up fighting. It was a miracle. All I had to do was control my feelings, and it worked! It was amazing.
A passage from the book I really liked:
"Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. However you look at it, no one enjoys being around a rude person. Rude behavior may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it's unpleasant to those on the receiving end."
-Stephen Kendrick
"The bottom line is that genuine love minds it's manners. Embracing this one concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express to your wife or husband "I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who's a pleasure to be with." When you allow love to change your behavior-even in teh smallest of ways-you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level o fthe environment around them."
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #6: Love is not Irritable (React to tough situations in your marriage with loving ways instead of with irritation. Make a list of areas in your schedule you need to add margin too. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life)
Like other days I held back on comments I knew shouldn't be said, or things I knew would set us up for a fight. It used to be hard to do those things, but as the days go on, I have found it easier and easier to accomplish! Today I focused especially on not inturrupting Landon, or making sure that I wasn't being irritating. I took it from his point of view. "Would I want him to ask me every five minutes if I'm ok? Or if I suddenly were swamped by many kisses and hugs while cooking?" I think I would get somewhat irritated with either/or. Doing this made me realize how much I was missing. I sat and listened to his wonderful laugh, as he had the time of his life playing his new video game with his friends. It made me look at myself and think, why take that happiness from him because I'm selfish and want a few kisses and hugs? It finally clicked with me and I now don't have a dull moment listening to the joy in his life.
A passage from the book I really liked:
"Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? Some people have the motto, "Never pass up an opportunity to get upset with your spouse." When something goes wrong, they quickloy take full advantage of it by expressing how hurt or frustrated they are. But this is the opposite reaction of love."
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #7: Love believes the Best ( Take two sheets of paper, and make a list on one with all the positive things about your spouse, and the other with negative things about your spouse. Keep these somewhere only you know of. Don't worry, you will use them later on in this book. )
I took two sheets of paper, and found that my mind took me on a mini roller coaster of all the things I'm grateful for, about my husband. Finding the small sweet things about him and writing them down, made me dwell on them all day. Writing the negative sheet after that was very difiicult because I had all those great things about my husband in my mind already that it was hard to write something down without justifying it to be wrong, or just something I could add, to make it so I did have a negative list. I kept them and wondered what they would be used for. *you will find out in the next few ones*
I focused on one positive attribute of my husband and let him know the whole day how awesome he was at video games, because he is! (he's the best) The outcome: He took me on a walk ( something i've been asking him about for a couple months now) he also sat and watched a movie with me instead of joining his friends on xbox. He focused on me, and shared great moments with me! I was so grateful today!
A passage from the book I really liked:
"In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there is a room. It's called the Appreciation Room. It's where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. And every so often, you enjoy visiting this special place. On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. These may include characteristics like "honest" and "Intelligent," or phrases like "diligent worker," "wonderful cook," or "beautiful eyes." They are things you've discovered about your husband or wife that have embedded themselves in your memory. When you think about these things, your appreciation for your spouse begins to increase. In fact, the more time you spend meditating on these positive attributes, the more grateful you are for your mate."
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #8: Love is not Jealous. (Determine to become your spouses BIGGEST FAN, and to reject any thought of jealousy! To make sure you are focusing on all the postive attributes of your husband, take the negative list and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse a success they have had!)
Landon had a long day of work today, and I missed him so much today. I haven't been able to "discreetly" burn my negative list, but I will.
I have a hard time with Jealousy. Some situations in my life have made me struggle through this, and I haven't quiet healed from it, but I have found that there aren't any excuses. I must heal now, and fast! Because it's not worth losing something I love more then anything in this world! So I have decided to put the "J" word behind me, and to never speak to it again. Did you hear that Mr. "J" Word? WE'RE OVER!
A passage from the book I really liked:
"Jealousy is a common struggle. It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want. This can be very painful depending on how selfish you are. Instead of congratulating them you fume with anger and think ill of them. If you're not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships. It can poison you from living the life of love God intended."
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #9: Love makes Good Impressions. ( Pick a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile, and lots of enthusiasm!)
I had forgotten my Love Dare book at my parents, so I had to take this dare into the next day. I did my best to give Landon my best smile, and best enthusiasm as I could. He seemed much happier to see me when I did so too! I was super excited all day, all I wanted to do was greet him even though he had been home for a couple of hours. It was great, and the feeling that came with it was awesome!
A passage from the book I really like:
"It doesn't have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate's heart in subtle, unspoken ways. "
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #10: Love is Unconditional. (Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse-something that proves to them that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.)
Landon's favorite dinner is Alfredo Chicken, and so I thought I would make it and surprise him. Unfortunately I didn't get the dinner done before he got home, so he had to wait a few before I had it done. We enjoyed dinner, and he actually did some dishes afterwards. I was so impressed, I didn't mind him playing video games! This is a huge thing for me because my love language is "Quality Time" And video games isn't really the kind of time I dreamt of when I signed up for marriage, BUT, I sure love seeing my fabulous husband happy. Even if that means sacraficing myself to knowing that his definition of quality time isn't the same as mine. I still want him happy and smiling! In the past couple of days I have noticed how happy Landon has become when he plays his video games. Before he would be very angry and just really frustrated. Now, he seems to be having the time of his life. I hope he knows that I support anything he does, to the smallest choosing which movie to watch, to the biggest finance issue. He is my soul mate and there is nothing in this world that can change that.
A passage from the book I really liked:
"If someone were to ask you, " Why do you love your wife?" "Why do you love your husband?" What would you say? "
-Stephen Kendrick
Taught me to know my companion, and to know WHY I love him!
Day #11: Love Cherishes ( What need does your spouse have that you could meet today?)
Landon has alwasy encouraged me to take care of myself and the house, but I never really took into consideration how it might make him feel when I don't take good care of myself, or the house. I looked at it from my perspective, and I would want to feel lazy and drousy if the house was a disaster, and I have felt that way in the past when I've let my emotions control the housework. I have decided to deep clean the house, and make sure Landon knows how much I care for this house and him. I cleaned things I wouldn't really think about. The walls, dusting, the windows. I'm not the expert on cleaning, or even keeping my house clean. It's been hard for me my whole life to be consistant with ANYTHING! And finally for once in my life, I've been consistant with the "Love Dare" and I have been able to keep up (most of the time) with the house work. I'm not perfect, but instead of looking at a mess and thinking how hopeless it is, I pick one thing up at least and put it away, giving me hope that one day that pile of clothes will be off the floor and in the drawer. Thanks to this wonderful inspirational book, I have found order in my life!
Day #12: Love lets the other win. ( Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between between you and your spouse, tell them you are putting their preference first!)
Landon and I haven't been in an argument for a while now so it was hard to find even an opportunity to show him that I was putting his preference first. Then I realized, I didn't need to be in a huge disagreement to show him. Every little choice he made, I supported 100%. I didn't show any sign of me pushing my emotions that can be controled into his way. I wanted him to know that I support him and that I want to listen and understand his side of things, and his understanding of things. I've realized long ago that Men and Woman have compeltely different languages, but that doesn't have to be all the time. A man can learn to understand a womans wants and needs and meet those, but a woman can also learn to take what he has to say and learn from it, because what they say is really what they need to say. They're not playing our silly game of read between the lines. They are simply trying to get the point across without going through the "game". I looked at that and realized how easy men's language is. I have been making all of our conversations more complicated by by being a girl. Also, I dont' mean to demean all women by saying the way we think is dumb or doesn't make sense, because I am one, and as girls we NEED to think like that sometimes to feel what we need to feel at the moment. I don't know about any of you, but I sometimes feel like just crying, and I don't always have a reason to cry. Some girls go to sad movies, some start fights between their lover, and get our satisfaction of crying, only to regret it later! I have learned to stay away from the word REGRET. Why go through something when you know you will hate the outcome! It's simply not that smart.
A passage from the book I really liked:
"Unfortunately, stubborness comes as a standard feature on both husband and wife models. Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make-up."
-Stephen Kendrick
Day #13: Love Fights Fair. ( Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. Write out your own personal goals, and don't force them to contribute. )
I took a sheet of paper and wrote down goals that were in the book. Some were like, "We will never mention divorce" or "We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past" stuff like that. I brought them to Landons attention, and he agreed to the rules. I love now that we have rules, because I have a hard time with the second one. I like to relate all problems with problems before. It hasn't worked out for me for the best in teh past. So why continue doing so. I will put an end to that!
Day #14: Love takes Delight. ( Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she Loves to do!
Instead of going over to my parents house today, I stayed home and made sure he was set to play video games all day. I cleaned up the house, and got him everything he needed. I made sure he wasn't uncomfortable and that he had everything he needed!
Day #15: Love Honors. (Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. Show your mate he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes)
This dare was especially funny because today I happened to be doing laundry, and deep cleaning the house. Landon likes me to keep his clothes out so that he can put them away in his orderly form, and I don't mind because that gives me some extra time to relax. I sat down on the couch, getting the book out to read it, only to find that putting his clothes was specified in the dare. Well, I got up and asked him how orderly he wanted his clothes, and that I'd do them for him. He showed me and kissed me and said thanks. I happily put them away thinking about how happy I made him. Today was an amazing day. I made sure he was relaxed and that anything he said, I was attentive and listening with all my might. I made sure that I responded well to his words. He was extremely happy all day, and he had a blast playing video games. His friends were online, making it all the more fun. I love seeing him so happy!
Day #16: Love Intercedes. ( Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life an din yoru marriage.)
I started this last night, and prayed for Landon. It was great because lately I haven't been doing to well on my own personal prayers. So this as allowed me to kneel beside my bed and give thanks and praise to my Heavenly Father above, and also to my wonderful husband for everything he's done for me. It's sunday, and this dare seemed very appropriate. Although this is one day's dare, I hope to continue praying morning and night for my true love. Thanks to this book I have completely changed my life, and have devoted it to my Heavenly Father, and cherishing my wonderful husband, whom I will be spending eternity with. I love you Landon!
It's only half way through the day, so I will be updating my blog on how the rest of the day goes. Landon is at work right now, and I am waiting to get ready for church so that I may give thanks there for the wonderful husband I have. I hope he feels the spirit today as we rest on the sabbath.
Day #17: Love premotes Intimacy. (Determine to gaurd your mates secrets. (Unless they are dangerous to you or to them.) Pray for them. Talk with them about their issues, and make sure they know they are safe.)
We can all take care of eachother, as long as you are working together. Remember Love is unconditional. Through sickness and in health, through richer or poorer. Love them through their mistakes, love them unconditionally, and they will return the favor. This proved succesful.
Day #18: Love seeks to Understand. ( Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.)
Today was fun to plan. Landon came home and started his video games, when I came in to announce that I was sick of making dinner, and that I wanted pizza. He sweetly replied, "Whatever makes you happy babe." His usual response, what a cutey! Well, I went out and while he was gaming, I prepared his favorite dinner, Chicken Alfredo with his favorite rice. He came out right as I was finishing, and he was shocked to see it already done. He was super excited, he came and kissed me and returned to play video games to finish the game he left. A few minutes later he joined me in the kitchen where we enjoyed his favorite meal and talked. I asked him what his greatest fears were, and his most wanted hopes and dreams. He answered everything wonderfully and I was surprised I was learning some new things. It was great. Although he asked me in return, it was completely worth it! Today was a success!
Day #19: Love is Impossible. ( Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for Heavenly Father to change your heart and to give you the ability to Love? Pray for help in your journey to your eternal destination. Pray for your spouse that they may feel the love not only you have for them, but that our Heavenly Father has for them. )
I looked back on the first page reading, :Love is Patient. I read and totally forgot some of the key aspects of patience and was reminded to exercise them daily. I have been working really hard on that. Although I have been having a couple hard days, I try to push through with a smile at the end of the day. I looked back at some other ones, and realized how blind I was, now knowing the knowlege I have today. It's such a blessing in my life to have this change come over me.
Day #20: Love is Jesus Christ. ( Give thanks to our Heavenly Father, and our Savior Jesus Christ for the sacrafices they have given for us. Thank them for the opportunities you have had to be with your spouse, to have learned the lessons they taught, and to be able to learn how to truly love another human being. )
Today I sat down and judged personally on how I was doing with my spiritual senses. Lately they haven't been in the best of shapes. This will change. I know my spirit is strong, and I remember how it feels to be able to go up in church and bare my testimony and know that every word I say is true, and that I believe every word about the church. I now have a better understanding of Love and now can express to my fellow relief society members the love and respect they deserve. I can now show the Love for which ever calling I will be apart of. I will be able to love the members of my ward, and learn to be a better person. I have opened my eyes to a better way of life, and I'm taking every chance I can to reach out and grab it! Don't give up!
Day 21: Love is Satisfied in God. (
This book has put my mind in a different aspect. Changing the way I look at life, and the way I react to situations, and the way I LOVE my spouse! It has blessed my life in so many aspects it's amazing! I hope to be able to continue this book.
**** My mom has been doing this for two years now, and has had amazing progress. She expresses to me everyday how grateful she is to have had someone nice enough bring her "The Love Dare". She expresses it like this: "It's like someone giving you a gift of love. Some choose to set it down, forget about it, and hope it blossoms by itself, but others take and nurtures and cares for this gift until it grows to be such wonderful LOVE that you don't have any room for anything negative in your life. The book becomes you. It becomes auto-pilot as you turn into the person you've been trying to be the last 40 days. You will change." I absolutely love my mom, and appreciate her for giving me this gift. I will choose to cherish my gift, and nurture it, and care for it so it will grow into a wonderful feeling of LOVE. I hope those out there who are having troubles or who just need an extra boost for themselves, consider this book. It will change your lfie. A word of caution. Those of you who are not yet ready for this book, won't recieve the full benefits of it. Those of you who know that this book is for you, and that you will consistantly stick to it, please, please, get this book! As for those who are already reading it and are struggling, please don't give up. Completing the book will give you a sense of accomplishment. Those of you who are reading this book, and are witnessing the wonders it provides, you are all wonderful! And finally those of you who refuse to give up, god bless you.
*One thing this book says that I absolutely love is that this book isn't to change your spouse or the way your spouse looks or feels towards you. This book is to change YOU! Is to make you LOVE your companion unconditionally. Through all the hard times you can look at that person and love them even if they made a mistake. Loving your companion will be the greatest gift you receive and give. *
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